The Book of Proverbs
Part 18
"Forgiving Hearts"
Part 2
“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, [Forgives] but whoever repeats the matter [Doesn’t let it go] separates close friends.”
-Proverbs 17:9
In most cases it seems as if
Forgiveness is a process.
Reason to Forgive
God has forgiven us!
This will help us to change our thinking about hurts and those who have hurt us.
We can’t change the hurt, but we can change our thinking about it.
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him… 25 he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he, his wife and children … be sold to repay the debt. 26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. 28 “But when that Servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. [Not ten thousand gold bags] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 He fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.” 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours …33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’”
-Matthew 18:21-35
Helpful Steps in the Forgiveness Process
1. Give up your right to hurt them back. [Eye for Eye] Mt. 5:38
2. Humanize them.
3. Genuinely want good for them in the future.
for·give
verb
To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
Similar: pardon, excuse, let off, stop feeling resentful toward, harbor no grudge against, bury the hatchet, etc.
Helpful Steps in the Forgiveness Process
1. Give up your right to hurt them back.
2. Humanize them.
3. Genuinely want good for them in the future.
Ask yourself these questions:
Why are they like they are?
Why do they act like they act?
What has happened to them?
Do they have any self-awareness?
Get strengthened
Praying
Getting Counseling
Think biblically (read)
Setting Proper Boundaries
Helpful Steps in the Forgiveness Process
1. Give up your right to hurt them back.
2. Humanize them.
3. Genuinely want good for them in the future.
Forgiveness may feel like an “Unfair gift” that we “Have to” give to someone who “Does not deserve” it.
But it is actually a gift that you give to yourself.
To Forgive is an absolute command.
[Horizontal Forgiveness.]
To Reconcile is not absolute.
(We are asked to make the effort, however because it is conditional and depends on the cooperation of the other party, it is not absolute.)
"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all".
- Romans 12:18
Christians are not required to trust people who have destroyed trust.
[Trust has to be earned… Use Safeguards]
As Christians, we are asked to make the effort with other Christians, but not necessarily to the point of restoring the relationship.
Paul & Barnabas Argue and Separate
After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” 37 Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along [Greek = “to take as a helper”] John Mark. 38 But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. 39 Their disagreement was so sharp [Bitter dispute, Irritation, Provocation, Quarrel] that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus.”
–Acts 15:36-39
It is O.K. to place BOUNDARIES on those who are NOT HELPING you.
Gk = “To take along” as a helper.
Who is a hinderance to you in your life?
Is a healthy boundary needed?
“It was the Lord’s will to crush Him [Jesus] and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin… 11 After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied… 12 For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.”
-Isaiah 53:10-12
It is not the Lord’s will that you are crushed by someone who has sinned against you.
Healthy “Boundaries” are good.
Vertical Forgiveness
[Between God and People]
Horizontal Forgiveness
[Between people]
Vertical
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
-1 John 1:9
Horizontal
“Bearing with one another and… forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you…”
- Colossians 3:13
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”
-Romans 12:19
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